home at last...

well, my Haitian adventure is over for the time-being, and i'm currently sitting in my sister's kitchen while i type... it's so good to be home... funny how, to steal a line from dorothy, "there's no place like it"!

i currently am without "residence"... slightly displaced for the next couple months... staying first with my sister & bro-in-law for a couple weeks and then with my friend kristy who graciously offered! even in the 'displacement' period, God is providing!

i was journaling & praying this morning and was just marveling at God's faithfulness to me over the last couple years. so, i'm going to be transparent right now and share something that is humbling to me, but is a testimony to His faithfulness... over the last couple years i've really struggled with hopeless & subsequently, depression... i'm not sure of the exact moment it happened, but it seemed as though my hope slowly just ebbed away. now, looking back, i can see that prior to the 'ebbing away of my hope', i had taken my eyes off of Christ and stopped putting my trust in Him... over the last few months though, God has restored me and renewed me and once again filled me with hope in Him!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm reminded of Psalm 40, in which David testifies..."I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and [in His time] He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire [that had dragged me down and held me there]. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I waked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God! Many will see what He has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord!" I thank God for that testimony of His faithfulness and I pray that the result would be the same, that "many will see what He has done" in my life, how He has been gracious & faithful to me [His emotionally weak & needy daughter] and they will "put their trust in Him" to rescue them from the 'pit of despair' as well...
anyway, i was just dwelling on that hope and joy this morning, and had to share! it's so amazing to once again be "filled with both of them"! it's been a while!

so, for a final update on my trip! the last couple weeks i was there was without internet connection, so i wasn't able to update... and so many things happened! so i think in my last update, i had mentioned that people from my hometown had come to dessalines to work at a clinic in a nearby town... that was such an "it's a small world afterall" moment! one of the women on the team works for the same hospital as I do and she & one of the other guys on the team attend the same church that my sis & bro-in-law attend! so bizarre to have a "piece of home" there in haiti when i felt so far removed! it was such a blessing to be able to talk with them about home when i was missing it! after they left, i got the opportunity to go for another road-trip into the nearby city of Gonaives. if any of you remember, last year haiti was hit by a pretty intense hurricane season and the result was extremely heavy flooding. the primary city hurt by the flooding, with many resulting deaths, was Gonaives. aside from the deaths, there were many stories of people fleeing to their rooves to escape the flooding and being stranded there for many days without food or clean water. the city is still under repair this year and still struggling with much flooding. the main road into the city was still under water from last year... it was an unbelieveable sight. it was on this day trip that i experienced the worst roads of my entire 3 months in haiti! there were moments that i was trying not to laugh as we bounced along, almost banging our heads on the ceiling of the vehicle...which also frequently broke down and then had a flat tire on the way home! it was also on this trip that i received my first marriage proposal from a random, man on the street! he said that he 'felt something when he saw me' and 'knew that he wanted to marry me'... the thought crossed my mind that perhaps what he 'felt' was a free-ride to the states via my american citizenship! am i being cynical?! anyway, my friend, Frans, put a stop to the enticing offer and said it was time for us to go!

then in my last week there, i spent a memorable and feverish week with Malaria... yep... if there's anything worse than the Malaria itself though, it's got to be the treatment with Chloroquine... nausea, dizziness, ugh. my friend rachelle came over to the guesthouse though and kept me company (and watched me sleep) for the days i was the worst. she made me fresh-squeezed juice and soup and made sure that i didn't get dehydrated! when she wasn't at the house with me, she was calling me on the phone, "jill, ou mange counya?" ['jill, are you eating now?"], or "jill, ou bwell anpil?" ['jill, are you drinking a lot?"]. what a blessing she was in that last week when i felt horrible and was anxious to get home! just when i started to get better, however, she developed a fever and ended up with malaria herself... we must've been in the same pack of infested mosquitos...

oh, and i miss abraham already! i thought of him on the plane coming home, wishing i could've had him there with me... i saw pictures of him smiling at me on my camera yesterday, so precious... but i know that God was preparing me & the situation before i even got to E.G.O. by having rachelle be the other person taking care of Abraham along with me. i still miss him, but it didn't rip my heart out to leave him, because i know she's taking such good care of him and loving him! God knew what i needed & took care of the situation before i even knew it existed!

before i left, everyone kept asking me when i was going to return... all i could say was, "i want to and will, 'si Bondye vle'", which literally means, "if God wants". at this point in time, i have no idea where He will lead me... but i'm content right now, sitting in my sister's kitchen, my stuff still in suitcases and the remainder in a storage unit... i'm at a peaceful and exciting new place in life, walking day by day with God, trusting that He will lead me and use me as He wills, when He wills!

Thank you all so much for following my journey and especially for your continued prayers and encouragement along the way! It was a trip filled with ups and downs, but through it all, God blessed me with the knowledge that He was with me... we are never alone!! There's another passage in Psalms that I will end the blog with...

Psalms 143:8-11, "Let me hear of Your unfailing love every morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to You...Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God. May Your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing..."

love, jill